Kapoot!!!!

Whether we like to admit it or not, when we become parents our egocentric side can come out. We're always looking for a little bit of "us" inside our children.

Consider the nature of it all, if you will. Our children are a biological (not to mention an emotional) extension of ourselves. But they're also completely separate and unique individuals. Our DNA may be a part of them, but they are not solely comprised of it. They are full of their own hopes, dreams, likes and dislikes, quirks, and gifts. We've created something that is somehow exactly and nothing like us all at the same time. 

In the midst of all that complexity, I think it's perfectly normal to desire and search for those connection points within our children. Does he have my ears? Oh, that's definitely my nose. A dancer? She gets that from me. 

But this is where it gets really complex for me. Because let's be real: There's not a whole heck of a lot of me within my children. You could go so far as to say that I was just the incubator.

Yes, there's no denying it. My little men look just like their Daddy. And it's not just my opinion.

We've used the same plumber a handful of times over the years. When MJ was about a year old, he came to fix a leak in the kitchen sink. He walked right up and said, "Don't you look just like your Daddy?" Yup, it's that strong. Even the plumber sees it.

And when Evan was born, the same labor and delivery nurse that cared for me postpartum with MJ, attended to us again with the new birth. Upon seeing Evan she said, "Honey, I don't think you could buy a baby that looks like you. That's another carbon copy of Daddy."

Our neighbor, a nice family man himself with two sons, had a theory about this. He surmised that babies look their Daddies upon birth so that men won't eat their young in the night. Later, once the coast is clear, they often start to resemble their mothers more over time. Of course he was kidding....I think. :)

But even as time has passed, my little guys continue to look an awful lot like their Daddy. And act like him, too – especially my first born.

MJ shares the same intensity and energy that his father has. He has that same first born perfectionism and that same lack of patience for those pesky rules. He even furrows his brow the same crooked way when he's upset or worried.

To put it simply, he's purely his father's son. Or so I thought.

But today at nap time, a little moment gave me pause. Earlier in the day MJ had learned a new word, "Kapoot". It's a nonsense word, as in something that's broken and has gone "kapoot". He thought it was pretty funny and was repeating it over and over again all morning.

Now, seeing MJ be silly is sometimes a rare occasion in and of itself. He can be very serious, even about playing. But as we sat there in the dark rocking before nap time, his head quietly on my shoulder, so still I thought perhaps he'd fallen asleep, he suddenly popped up and loudly said "Kapoot, Mommy!!!!" and started laughing hysterically. When he settled back down, he grabbed my head and whispered in my ear "Kappppoooooooot" and giggled again to himself.

I nearly died laughing. It was just so off the wall, so silly, so random, and so weird. It was very un-MJ. But it was something I would totally do.

As the laughter faded and he returned to protesting his nap (so unlike me, I was a perfect and compliant toddler; just ask my Mom :)), I smiled to myself.

Looks like there is a little bit of me in there after all.